Autism from a Mom's Perspective: Part 1-Defining Autism

 

I’m not one for sharing my personals, especially something like this, but I feel confident that this is something I need to share.  Understand this is not something I try to hide.  I am not in denial.  I am certainly not ashamed.  I choose not to make a big spectacle about it because people are very ignorant and sometimes inconsiderate.  Not intentionally, of course.  Just ignorant, not knowing, unaware.  Their intentions are good, but their words, unwelcomed advice, and stares are hurtful.

This is my very personal story about my son, Paxton, my absolute joy of my heart!  Paxton was diagnosed with autism and sensory processing disorder at the young age of 2 on December 18, 2013.  April is Autism Awareness month.  I feel in my heart that I need to do my part this month to help raise awareness, not just for my son but for the other millions of children that have autism.  Would you please take the time to read my series of blogs this month about how autism affects my family and become autism aware? 

In this first blog, I will define autism.   Next week I will answer questions that are frequently asked to me like how I found out Paxton had autism and my thoughts on the great vaccine debate.  Then saving the best for last I will present “Autism through Pictures.”  My good friend, Missy, of Missy Moore Photography, is helping me show you the day in the life of Paxton and how autism affects his ways of learning, seeing, tasting, and living life. 

Thank you in advance for your support, and keeping an open mind.

AUTISM DEFINED SERIES 1 OF 3: WHAT IS IT?

Let me give you a short and to-the-point definition of what autism is and then I will go into depth what autism is for MY FAMILY in my own “Mandi” terms.

According to the Autism Society of the Heartland:

Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life and affects a person’s ability to communicate and interact with others. Autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors and is a "spectrum disorder" that affects individuals differently and to varying degrees. There is no known single cause of autism, but increased awareness and funding can help families today.

In Mandi terms, in my day-to-day experiences over the last year and a half, autism is defined as being a term for those that learn very differently and communicate differently than the majority of the population and are therefore given a label.

I will be 100% honest in saying I really didn’t have a clue what autism was until my son was diagnosed.  I was ignorant.  And I did not realize how ignorant most of society is about autism until my son was diagnosed.  To save you from your ignorance, the same ignorance I had, let me show you what autism is and tell you what it is not.  Although each person, autistic or not, is different and they all learn differently and at different speeds…

·         Autism does NOT mean one is mentally retarded.  Please do not use that word anymore.

·         Autism does NOT mean one is “slow” or “not all there.”  They may be delayed in certain developmental milestones, but hey!  What’s the rush?!  There is a difference, folks.  My son may not be able to communicate in a way you understand, but I assure you he understands a lot more than he is able to verbally communicate.

·        Autism does NOT necessarily mean one is disabled physically, mentally, and certainly not spiritually. 

·        Autism does NOT mean one needs a pity party.  My kid is not dying or suffering. Neither am I!  No need to give me big, googley eyes or try to find words. 

·        Autism does NOT mean one is weird.  You are weird.  I am weird.  We are all weird in our own way.  Just because someone is a little different or may have a unique quirk, don’t label them as having autism.

Read all the books you want, but you cannot even begin to comprehend autism unless you parent a child who has autism.  You cannot begin to comprehend autism unless you live with it daily. Understand I am Paxton’s advocate.  I will always stick up for my boy.  I will always speak for my boy until/if/when he has his own voice to speak up for himself.  Again, I know people’s intentions are kind, but their words and looks are hurtful. 

That being said, a little warning of things NOT to say to parents of autistic children:

·        Anything that has to do with essential oils – Your stupid oils will not help or treat the symptoms of autism.  Sorry to burst your oily bubble.

·        Your dietary advice – Although I truly believe in the gut-brain connection, your diet will not help or treat the symptoms of autism.  General mood or behavior?  Sure.  Maybe.  But not autism.

·        I do not want to hear about your friend’s cousin’s little boy that has autism.  I understand you are trying to relate, but please don’t categorize or label people with autism like they are a breed of dog.  There is a saying “If you’ve met one person with autism, that’s it.  You’ve just met one person with autism.”  In other words, people with autism are unique in their own way.  Just like non-autistic people are unique in their own way.

·        Please, please, please, I beg you.  Do NOT try to compare your normal-developing child’s behavior to my child’s behavior.  Every kid has their quirks.  Every kid has their ups and downs.  Every kid has their tantrums.  Do not try to make me feel better as if every kid has the meltdowns like my child.  Forgive me if I don’t feel sorry for you because your 2-3 year old isn’t potty trained yet.  It will be years before my son is potty trained.  Forgive me if I don’t feel sorry for you because your toddler won’t eat vegetables because I am going to celebrate the day I can get my kid to try a tiny bite of greasy, gluten-licious pizza without gagging and crying.

That is autism defined; what autism is and is not.  Let me liven up this mood by defining MY Paxton. 

Defining Paxton

 

Paxton is a ton of fun!  He is a hilarious, very silly little boy.  He makes me laugh until I cry.  His laugh is the most contagious and anyone will tell you the same.  He loves stickers, circles, fans, and the color green.  He loves music and likes to sing.  Two of his favorite books are Goodnight Moon and Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See.  His favorite movie is Disney’s “Planes.”  He loves to jump, swim, swing, slide, climb and be outside.  His most favoritest thing of all is airplanes!  Airplanes and helicopters.  He can’t get enough of them!  Paxton is an awesome big brother and loves to love on his little brother.

I love my little boy with my whole heart.  Some days, some weeks are very difficult.  Sometimes I just cry out to the Lord and ask him to please, please help my little boy overcome his frustrations.  I ask Him to help ME because I am at a loss.  You know what, though?  I love Paxton just as he is.  There is not one thing I would change about my little boy, quirks and all.  I do wish some of those frustrations would just go away, but every person on this earth has something they are dealing with.  It’s called life.  The God I serve does not make mistakes.  The God I serve made Paxton just the way he is for a reason.  The God I serve chose Paxton for me and me for Paxton.  And that is an honor in and of itself.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

Summer Challenge Wrap-Up

Meet Yvonne and Christie.  Have you ever seen two, such fine lookin’ grandmas?  These ladies were the winners of my Summer Challenge!

This week my Disciplined Life clients and CHANGE clients wrapped up our Summer Challenge.  The challenge was six weeks long and focused on setting six, small, weekly goals; goals that could be accomplished within just seven days.  The first week we focused on making over our breakfasts by adding a vegetable serving, limiting the standard cereals and breads, and even bumping up the calories.  The following week we got into the habit of planning out a week’s worth of breakfasts, lunches, and dinners.  Each week’s mini goal built upon the previous week’s goal.  Points were earned for exercising at home, sharing recipes and pictures of our healthy meals, and even food prepping for the week.  We kept a private Facebook group page where we could check in with each other for daily accountability.

Although the Summer Challenge was more of a self-challenge rather than a competition amongst each other, these ladies, Yvonne and Christie won Dick’s Sporting Good gift cards by losing the most body fat and earning the most points during the challenge.

Yvonne said of the challenge:  “…I have found that it [overall general health] boils down to a day-to-day decision with every day not being perfect.  But activity, exercise and managing your food is something I have to do every day….I love the Facebook page, the check-ins and the accountability…”

Christie said of the challenge:  “…The accountability was good for me.  I also liked the weekly challenges.  It gave me something to focus on weekly.  All of them were small steps in being a healthier me….It [the Facebook group page] was motivating to see where everyone was and a great way to encourage each other when [we are] not together….”

I love holding these challenges for my clients as a way to get everyone involved and motivated, to break out of a workout “slump.”  These challenges have a way of getting clients to re-think of where they are, where they want to be, and how they’re going to get to get there, just one step at a time.

Where do you want to be?  How can you be healthier in just seven days?  Should you add an extra workout to your week?  Get more sleep?  Eat more fruits and vegetables?  Write out a six-week plan for yourself.  Set some goals, and demolish them!

Meet Teresa

Teresa is one of my C.H.A.N.G.E.* small group personal training clients.  In the last three months I have seen her gain some serious strength, balance, endurance, coordination, confidence...ok, ok...I let HER tell you her own story. Meet Teresa....

What is it about the C.H.A.N.G.E.* small group training that has made you stick with it longer than any other exercise or fitness program?

The small size of the group allows Mandi to provide a lot of relevant, individualized, immediate feedback when we work out and our group is very supportive and encouraging of one another which helps to hold us accountable. In addition, the focus is continually on our personal improvement whether it is gaining strength or more endurance, eating healthier, better posture or more self-confidence. I feel I can have success with this program because I can continually improve. If the whole focus was only on weight loss or fitting into a specific size of clothing in 8 weeks…I would feel like a failed…again. The best thing Mandi has taught me is that “every-body” is different and I shouldn’t expect my journey to be exactly like anyone else’s journey.

What kind of changes have you made since starting the C.H.A.N.G.E.* small group training?

I have made a lot of changes! I am eating healthier foods. I track what I eat. I have set goals for sleep, activity, meal planning and exercise. I think one of the best changes I’ve made is constantly being aware of the choices I have for a healthier me. I’m learning that a lot of small, good choices can have a big impact on a healthier life for me.  

What kind of changes do you see and feel in your health and body compared to when you first started?

I feel healthier, stronger, and more self-confident. I just got back from a short vacation where the benefits of my C.H.A.N.G.E.* training were really highlighted for me. I had more stamina for walking around sight-seeing. One day, we started walking a trail and ended up in the downtown district – seven miles away! And, the best part was that I loved every minute of the trek! I felt so much more self-confident, too. I even “hammed” it up for the camera in Metropolis, IL where I compared myself to Superman.

What words of encouragement would you give to others?

You will never know what your body can achieve or how much healthier you can be if you never venture outside of your comfort zone to give C.H.A.N.G.E.* a try.  I highly recommend small group classes with an instructor, like Mandi, that provides such a great balance of support, as in “YOU CAN!” and challenge, as in “DO THIS!” that creates the perfect environment to believe in your own heart, “YOU CAN DO THIS!”

 

*C.H.A.N.G.E. is a small group personal training program specifically for those with a significant amount of weight to lose and/or those with limited mobility to joint or back pain.

 Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...

 

The Fall of New Year's Resolutions

“Once the month of March rolls around, the first signs of New Year’s resolutions fall away for over 25% of new exercisers.  That is often because people fail to form SMART goals: goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound.”  I just read this quote in my Mar/Apr 2014 issue of American Fitness magazine.

This quote triggered a memory of a blurb I posted on Facebook back on January 8:

I had to circle the parking lot 2 times to find a spot at the gym tonight. Happy New Year! Too bad gyms aren't that busy year-round. I see a lot of new faces and my hope is that they see they are worth more than just a month's worth of workouts and diet attempts. I hope they see they are worth more than just a "New Year Resolution." Weight loss, weight maintenance, even just finding the right workout is a matter of experimentation. Don't give up so quickly, people! You're worth 365 days of exercise each year and you're worth a whole new LIFE resolution, not just one little ol' year that dwindles down to 6 weeks! Find something you like and never let it go!

So here we are in March, or maybe by the time you read this it will be April.  Maybe you’ll read this in the month of November!  My point being, don’t wait for a new year or a new month, a new week or even a new day to eat better and start exercising.  Start today!  Start at your next meal, even if it is dinner at 6pm.  Start your workout tonight, even if it is just 10 minutes.  Set a SMART goal today!

You are worth more than 60 days into a new year.  You are worth a whole 365 days of exercise, and you are worth 365 days of trying harder, being better, and eating healthier, each and every year of your life, inside and outside of the gym.

“Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny?  Not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father’s permission.  Every hair on your head has been counted.  Don’t be afraid!  You are worth more than many sparrows.”  Matt 10:29-31 GW

 

 

Why C.H.A.N.G.E.?

Why C.H.A.N.G.E.?

Group classes offer Boot Camp for advanced or experienced exercisers; Yoga for the spiritual exercisers; “Silver” or “Gold” classes for the older exercisers; Aqua classes for the arthritic exercisers; Beginner classes for the, well, beginners.  What about a class that is for someone that is none of these things?

I’m annoyed and almost offended by the media and government stereo-typing and reporting on and on about the crisis our nation is in when it comes to the overweight and obesity rates.  I understand the issue.  I understand we need to know, but I hate how they go about reporting, showing the overweight as always being lazy, sedentary and eating fast food. ???  What?  Ya that really helps the situation.  Judging and negative images are sure to motivate.  I feel like everyone keeps talking about the crisis, but no one is doing anything to help change the problem!  Not even gyms!   

Not every overweight person is an overeater, actually, and not every overweight person is sedentary.  Sometimes it is just the wrong combo of foods.  Sometimes it’s ineffective exercise.  You do not know where people are coming from and it’s unfair to judge.  I understand this so closely. 

For a long time now, I have had a deep desire in my heart to start a new program specifically for those that have a significant amount of weight to lose.  Let’s learn how we need to eat.  Let’s learn how to exercise effectively and efficiently!

I am so excited to start this new small group training.  C.H.A.N.G.E. with The Disciplined Life.  Take CONTROL of your HEALTH by staying ACCOUNTABLE in improving your NUTRITION, setting GOALS, and EXERCISING!  This class will be appropriate for those who may have 100-200+ pounds to lose.  This class will also be appropriate for those who may not have quite that much to lose, but may have limited mobility due to back pain or other joint pain. 

So why C.H.A.N.G.E.?  Participants will learn how to safely and effectively exercise and will be given a basic meal plan to follow.  On top of that, participants will be given daily and weekly accountability and encouragement.  Accountability and encouragement:  two things that set the path to a healthy, long-lasting success!

I’ll end by quoting 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20:  “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit…?...Therefore, honor God with your body.”  Let’s do this!  Let’s change for the better.  Let’s change for the healthier!

Define Discipline Part II: Reaching Your Potential

For my being part stay-at-home mom and part fitness instructor the last year has
been the best! It has also taught me a lot about what it means to be
disciplined. Actually, I'm still learning... Disciplined in the gym, in the
kitchen, in the church. Disciplining my time and finances are most definitely my
biggest struggles.

Let me give credit where credit is due. This blog is just a typed up version of some of
the notes I took from Pastor J. Lowell Harrup in church this morning. Awesome
sermon! I appreciate my pastor's wisdom and knowledge.

Reaching your Potential: Discipline

Whose praise do you seek? The one whose affirmation you desire controls your
life. 

For what age or kingdom do you live - the present age or the age to come? 1 John 2:15-17 says, "Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.  For everything in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - comes not from the Father but from the world.  The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever."

What price will you pay to reach your potential? God is doing his best to make
us OUR best!

Don't misinterpret the hard disciplines brought in to your life as God having a
lesser love for you or that God is trying to punish you. Maybe, just maybe He is
trying to better you so that you can reach your potential!

Temptation.  It goes hand-in-hand with discipline.  How do you keep yourself disciplined against temptation? Kind of a, “Which comes first; the chicken or the egg” scenario.  Do you get disciplined after you’ve given in to temptation OR do you discipline yourself AGAINST temptations?

*In this text, “temptation” equals anything you know you should not do, say, see, hear, taste, etc.  In this text, “you” equals you and me.

I’ve been thinking a lot of temptation lately.  We are all surrounded by temptation all day every day.  Be it physical or spiritual, and a lot of times both.

Take my puppy, for instance. I get so irritated with her!  She knows she’s not supposed to chew on my son’s binkies.  I know she knows it’s wrong because she takes them under our bed to hide while she chews.  She does it anyway.

My son -- he knows he’s not supposed to play in the puppy’s water bowl.  I hear a splash and a giggle coming from the kitchen.  All I have to do is say my son’s name to which he yells back with an, “EH!”  That’s toddler talk for “Don’t-tell-me-what-to-do!”

Why is it so tempting do things you’re NOT supposed to do?  Let’s take this more on a health/fitness standpoint.  You know you shouldn’t eat that second helping.  You may know you shouldn’t eat it AT ALL!  Why do you do it anyway knowing you’ll feel icky afterwards?  You know you need to get your workout in today.  You know you’ll feel better after you’ve gotten it done.  So why would it tempt you to skip if you know you’ll feel better afterwards?

The power of temptation is not external; it’s internal.  Whoa. 

James 1:14 says “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.”  The verse before that says, “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone.” 

1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 

And I say, “But God?  Have you ever tried my sister’s baking?  I think her chocolate chip cookies qualify as temptation beyond what I can bear!”  But seriously, I’m not trying to make a mockery of God’s word (only make bad jokes) and nor am I trying to say chocolate chip cookies are of Satan and the Bible tells us we should steer clear of them.  I simply want you to think:

What tempts you from being your best?  How can you positively discipline yourself BEFORE you’re tempted so that you won’t be negatively disciplined AFTER?